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The Absolute Beauty of Solipsism

https://medium.com/@tokeli/the-absolute-beauty-of-solipsism-14e14671bb1c


I am the absolute Center of it ALL. Me. In fact, I’m not writing this to educate or entertain anyone; I’m just putting it down for the pleasure of doing it, as a record for myself, because by doing so, I may be able to “influence” my own “Future,” (even as I say Bye-bye to linear time in my expanded awareness). And I’m not bragging, ‘cuz there’s no one here to brag to but me. Eyeballs on this piece may only serve to make the Game (the Illusion, the Maya, the Dream of Life, The Game!) more interesting, as I make the matrix I bathe in a bit warmer, a bit more soothing and comfortable.



I look with my eyeballs. I smell with this nose. And yet, it’s really what I think and feel that’s important. I can pull back the curtain. I can see the Bigger Picture. I am at the Center of all of creation that I am witness to. I am perceiving it all of the time, even when I forget about being at the Center. There is a synergistic relationship between the synchronicities of the creation that feel BEYOND the creation (outside my snow globe, what I sometimes call the “Greater Reality”), the Maker(s) of the creation, its Influencers, the Waters and Helpers, Guides — and the responsibility I have for co-creating it 24/7, even as I sleep. I really don’t know much about that. It’s impossible for me to know here at the Center. That’s outside of the Center, outside of the Game. Perhaps I even made all of Them up too; perhaps I am “making” them all the time. I am guiding me through Guides of my unconscious invention. What difference does that make anyway? I am guided at any rate. [How many times will I say “I” or “me” or “my” in this piece? As many times as I please.]

I am at the absolute Center of all I perceive, every person, place or thing I’ve ever known. Here’s where it gets even crazier (as if the judgement of a term like “crazy” means anything to a woman living as though she created all of creation): All of recorded history, even the hidden mysteries I am only now in my later years in life coming to master, is part of it. None of it is “real” or empirically “truth.” It’s like a theatrical backdrop, a screen painted full of scenery, which is all of history — my own and the whole world’s (The Game). I stand in front of the backdrop now, as a great actor who knows he is on stage would. I am aware that it’s all smoke and mirrors. History is just part of the story, the scenic backdrop of The Game. In fact, I’d venture to guess that this world only began at the moment of my birth on April the 11th of 1969. This was the moment of inception of this world. There isn’t anything before that moment. All of recorded history goes into the backdrop of the scenery for me playing The Game. It’s MY Game, my reality, my show. Nothing exists before me or outside of my awareness. Programmers don’t code anything in a video game that the Player doesn’t have eyes on. (Not that this universe is a kind of advanced video game technology — it’s waaaaay more mysterious than that.)


Being the absolute Center of the Universe is both very freeing and an awesome responsibility. It’s kind of hilarious that I ever worried for 5 seconds what anyone else thought of me, isn’t it? (Who am I talking to? No one!) Every social interaction I’ve ever had or thought of is part of this. It makes me laugh inside. None of that matters except in how it gets me to be better situated into the Center Seat. It reminds me to BE at the Center of it all, to realize it’s all happening for ME. Everything in this solipsistic Game is an opportunity to finetune my own act of being at the absolute Center of it all. Nothing exists except me and my perceptions. And it’s FUN!

Sitting at the Center of it all means sitting on this porch swing with my dog looking out at this maple tree. I love my house. I am comfortable here. I play some Mozart. I burn incense around me to ward off the mosquitos and also because I love the smell and feel of the smoke circles surrounding me. The morning light dapples through the verdant leaves of the maple tree. It is a golden hug of light and I’m impressed by the beauty of The Game. Good job! In this moment, I’m enjoying it thoroughly. I am here FEELING the feeling of being at the Center of it all. This is for me. This is all mine. I focus my concentration on knowing this. It occurs to me that the bouganvilla hanging off the porch railing has never been a more brilliant shade of fuschia. I see a man washing his car in his driveway down the street and I can see the sun play off of him and his car like the shimmers of a dream. I know that whoever or “whatever” he is, he’s very lucky to be in my show. And he’s doing a very good job of it. I have no idea if he’s real or not at this point and frankly don’t care much. If he’s an NLP, what does it matter? I enjoy him! If he’s got his own game going, what does it matter over here to me at the Center of MY perception, especially while I know I can still learn from any interactions I may have with him now or in the future?


The music is invigorating. This Mozart fellow — did I make him up too? Did I create this beautiful symphony which sounds so familiar to me? I do not know or care. I know that it is FOR me. I am the Center of a beautiful world in which I can hear a flute playing in front of a full orchestra and I’m loving it. It fills me up. I hear ringing in my ears simultaneously, complementing the experience. Mozart’s flute solo heightens my senses and makes me feel kind of dreamy. I like this feeling immensely. It feels more and more that I am the Center of it all and I have Wolfgang to thank for it. Thanks for playing my Game, Wolfgang! Thanks for coming along.

I am at the Center of a gorgeous, rich universe and I am also in the middle of a world that I hear has in it some other things. (I say “hear” because it’s basically just a “screen” telling me this news, these opinions. Again, are they “real”? I don’t know, but they’re “happening” in the sense that, on some level, I HEAR about them from this screen and therefore they MAY enter my consciousness.) Things like war, famine, plagues, serial killers, child abuse, the slaughter of innocence, the mayhem, the chaos, the destruction of itself even…yes, even those things. And do you know what I say? I say:

“Wow! What an exciting Game! What a fantastically diverse play! So much contrast, so much mayhem! There is so much to witness, so many choices — like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book with various pathways to choose to focus upon.”


In my universal Centeredness, I am aware of a Game that is ALL about my awareness. Who made it? Don’t know. This is a CHOOSING Game and there is a constant flow of choosing and creating. Even when I thought I had a disease (you know which one) and I was so sick that I thought I might croak, I never lost sight of the fact that I was at the Center of all of this experience. Me! It was all happening to me, for me! Feeling that at any moment the Game might stop, end, be over (or reboot in a continuous loop!), lying in bed alone and forlorn and sorry for myself, it was almost EASIER to feel like the Center of it all.

I’m sitting here just having a ball. I’m laughing at myself now. It feels so good to laugh at myself.

And there it is.

There is no conclusion. I’m just hanging out over here on a swing being the absolute Center of the entire Universe.